HOW TO MAKE STEP-FAMILIES WORK
Lori realized early in her step-dating that she would always be “the other mom.”
“My dad and I want you to come over for dinner on Wednesday. I accepted the dinner
invitation. The visit was delightful with six-year-old Alex sharing his room, toys, pets,
and collections with me, just like a school ‘show and tell.’ This dinner began a long
courtship with a wonderful father and his child and began to lay the foundation of our
future step-family. Alex’s mom was active in his life and lived close by. I was ever so
aware of her strong bond and special relationship with him. I was extremely respectful of
her role in his life. I understood that respecting and accepting his biological mom was
important in his life and our future family.”
Using what she learned from step-dating, respect for Alex’s mother and staying away
from volatile situations, Lori instinctively followed some rules that she deemed helpful
for everyone involved.
Rule # 3. Never talk about or criticize the biological parent. Children are extremely loyal.
Criticizing their parent even if it is the truth to you, will not gain influence with the child
and sometimes with the parent. Putting down the parent is a passive attempt to make
yourself feel better. But a child’s dedication to his parents will not be broken, and having
to defend their loyalty creates tension, anger and resentment. While step-dating, if there is
a matter that you feel needs attention, do not discuss the situation in front of the child.
Save your discussions of conflict and concerns for times when you are alone with the
biological parent. You may find there is a logical explanation and sometimes there may
be a way to make the situation better, and most times, it’s just the way it is!
Lori shares her personal journey of being the other mom in my book BLENDING FAMILIES—
The Honeymoon Comes Later. Max Price
You can purchase the book from:
1.Tate Publishing http://www.tatepublishing.com/bookstore/ toll free 888-361-9473
2. or the author–B. Max Price, PhD, 5704 N.W. 110th St. Oklahoma City OK 73162. Send payment of $15. for autographed copy (postage included) and mailing address. firstname.lastname@example.org